Gary Masskin - Feb 2012

School Teacher vs Zoo Keeper

Copyright 2012 Gary Masskin

Ricky flashes the biggest grin his class has ever seen and introduces his special guest. “My mum has come to tell us about her job as a zoo keeper”.

“Good morning,” says Mrs O’Shea. “Who wants to work in the zoo when they grow up?”

Twenty hands shoot into the air quicker than Mrs O’Shea can say, “Then I guess you’d like to know all about the most dangerous job in the world...”

“Oh really?” interrupts Mr Maloney, Ricky’s teacher.

“I think that perhaps teaching this lot of rascals is the most dangerous job in the world,” he jokes.

“Mr Maloney, have you ever tried to bestill a gorilla, detain a crane or engage in hand to hand combat with a hairy nosed wombat?” asks Mrs O’Shea.

“No, I have not,” answers the teacher, “but have you ever tried to handle Randall, rebuke Luke or discipline Jacqueline?”

Ricky smirks, along with the rest of the class. Even Randall, Luke and Jacqueline find it hard to stop themselves giggling.

“Oh my, that does sound scary.” replies the zoo keeper. “What about trying to shepherd a leopard, restock a peacock or parallel park a hammerhead shark?”

Mr Maloney chuckles and says, “Just try staying sane while training Wayne. And make sure to duck under Jane’s paper plane.”

“That’s very funny Mr Maloney,” says Mrs O’Shea as she turns to face him, “but I’m serious about my job being the most dangerous in the world”.

“Fiddlesticks!” protests the teacher as he leans forward, the smile disappearing from his face. “Have you ever tried to break up a fight between Sasha and Dwight?”

Ricky’s mouth hangs down to the floor as his mother responds, “Ever tried to heal an electric eel?”

“Sat on Kirk’s artwork and sent him berserk?”

“Rescued a frog from a stampeding hog?”

“Been stabbed in the leg with Jen’s fancy pen?!”

“Performed a repair on a mad polar bear?!!!”

By this point, Mr Maloney and Mrs O’Shea are standing face to face; eyes wide, teeth gritted and almost nose to nose... perhaps just a hair’s width apart.

“QUIET!!!!” yells Ricky. “You’re acting worse than naughty school kids. Animals at the zoo behave better than you two! Can’t you just call it a tie?”

As his classmates chant “Ri-cky! Ri-cky! Ri-cky!” the zoo keeper and school teacher both stare at the floor, the red spots on their cheeks growing bigger and brighter until the cheering comes to a stop.

“Sorry,” says Mr Maloney, “Ricky has a good point.”

Mrs O’Shea agrees. “Our jobs can both be very dangerous.

”Now it’s Ricky’s turn to ask a question. “So who wants to hear about the most fun job in the whole wide world?”

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